Nest Nickname

by Lo on July 13, 2010

Ben started referring to me as “Little Lohemoth” a few weeks ago, combining my name with that of the mythological creature of girth and power. Clever. Sounds a little insensitive to tease my current size, but Ben has been coining nicknames for me for years–most of which are so strange that I can’t even remember what instigated them. He has never called me Honey, Baby, Sweetheart, Love, or Dear. He has called me Face, Gary, Kybosh, Old Marcus, Kling, and for years now, every varient of Greed you can imagine: Lil’ Greedy, Greeds, Greedypie, The Greedy. The Greedy Series began way back when we lived in New York City. I can’t recall exactly how, but I know that it involved a Young Jeezy song, me hogging something–perhaps a blanket–and our good friend, Paul. Paul really made it stick, beginning with replacing Young Jeezy with Young Greedy in the song.

One might think I mind these names but I don’t–in fact I find most of them quite funny and strangely endearing. Except Fats Peterson, which, although was a character from a Kung Fu movie and had nothing to do with my body or appearance, was a no-go. Not even for a day.

Meanwhile, my family and friends in Rochester call me Lo and everyone in Los Angeles that I know through Zach calls my Myster (pronounced Mister), a moniker he bestowed on me over a decade ago. It’s a long story, but Zach is so serious about this nickname that he introduces me as such, gives me the evil eye when I introduce myself as Laura or Lo, and feigns confusion when anyone refers to me by my “real” name. Last year, my mother-in-law ordered a cake for my wedding shower and asked Zach to pick it up. He dropped it off and when it was opened, he had had the frosted writing changed from Congratulations, Laura! to Congratulations, Myster! Needless to say, I had to explain to my guests–many of whom were little Italian ladies–not only why Zach called me Myster, but why it was spelled with a “y.” I’m not sure they understood, but it made me smile.

Anyway, the reason I brought up Lohemoth in the first place was because it began when Ben decided to start sleeping in the living room. “Between Big Mike and a side-sleeping-only little bohemoth in the bed, I just don’t fit,” he explained. I cringed. And laughed. “Lil’ Bohemoth,” he reiterated, petting my head. And then his eyes lit up. “Lil’ LOhemoth!” Like I said, very clever.

I suggested we kick Mikey out of the bed, but we both knew that with his current attachement to me that would never work, so off Ben went to the living room.

After a few nights, however, we “Uncle Bucked” him. I would wake up, stagger into the living room and lay down next to him. Soon after, Big would wake up, realize he was alone and follow suit. Just like the scene in Uncle Buck when lack of room makes ol’ Buck move to the floor and leave the kids in the bed, only to wake in the morning with two children strewn across him and an empty bed.

I told Ben he should take it as a compliment.

We ended up camping out for a week or so but now I’m back in bed. I fall asleep pretty early, but if I wake up and Ben has made a little nest in the next room, I usually can’t resist crashing. Neither can Mikey.

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